Making It There, so You Can Make It Anywhere: A Clueless Girl’s Guide to NYC

 

1.       Don’t be afraid of the apps.

Google maps is your new best friend, have it always open. Don’t worry about tracking your every move because everyone else is doing it too – even the locals. With this app you can get to your subway, specific locations in Central Park, and the nearest public bathroom. Citymapper is also a fantastic choice. Not only does it provide you with live updates for subways, but it also tells you how many stops to expect and the best place to sit on the train. What it doesn’t tell you is left or right, this app uses the cardinal directions. If you’re like me and that’s a sure-fire way to get lost, follow the picture, it updates with you and you can figure out quickly if you need to turn around.

 

2.       Bring a portable charger.

You have your maps app open, probably your NYC playlist helping you get in the mood, your camera because you are a tourist, and snapchat so you can make your friends jealous – you need a charger. Maybe this is common sense for a lot of people, but I work a 9 to 5 (actually it’s a 10-7, that’s a different post) and have a charger in my desk and car; I was not aware of how quickly I could kill my phone. If you want to stay safe and entertained, bring a charger. 

3.       There’s a set section for walkers, stay in it.

The Brooklyn bridge is beautiful, the view is mind blowing (when you walk toward Manhattan), you know what’s not cool? Being yelled at by bicyclists because you’re in the bike lane.

While there are a ton of people in the walking lane and this might mess up your Insta perfect moment, you are not a biker, stay in your lane. The Brooklyn bridge was not created for tourists, it’s not Times Square where tourists are the main pull, New Yorkers use this bridge for practical reasons and you standing there making a TikTok is not helpful. Stay in your lane and move out of the way.

 

4.       Keep your ears open or you will piss someone off.

       I ran into a runner. I wish I could blame him, but he yelled excuse me twice and my feet moved right into his path. Remember you are not the only person using a space and even though you are desperate to get to a seat in the shade, people are around you always. Keep your ears and brain open. 

5.       Money, Money, Money.

This is a pandemic world. For months we have been ordering online, using credit cards, or contactless payment options, but for some reason there are still cash only places. I don’t know why, I don’t know the benefit, but I do know you need to have cash. If you’re staying at a hotel, grab some there. You cannot always rely on deli ATMs or expect to walk into a liquor store to have one just because every liquor store in Minnesota has one. Get the cash so you can get the pizza. Get the cash so you can stay in the bar.

 

6.       You have to order something or get out.

I’ve been sober for two years. Even before that I had never been kicked out of a bar. But I go to one place, without cash, don’t order a drink and BOOM; you’re out darling. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to order a soda, I did, the caffeine was definitely needed after 18 miles of walking, but I couldn’t find a place to get cash. Honestly, being kicked out came at the right time. We had finished singing Dear Evan Hansen and Wicked, they had just finished the only sing I knew from Pippin, I was ready to go home. But like any good Minnesotan, I wasn’t exactly sure how or when to remove myself from the party, so the host did it for me. “You have to order something, or you have to leave.”

7.     Wear the sneakers.

        In total, I walked 36.5 miles between Friday at 4:30pm and Sunday at 4pm. There was sleep, eating, subway riding, and even a short jaunt on a bike in this time. I wore my walking shoes and I still returned home with feet covered in blisters and popping calves. Even if you aren’t much of a walker, you will be in New York.

 (I wish I had looked this cute.)

8.       Nobody cares Stasha!

       Before my trip, a friend of mine who used to live in NYC said don’t wear tennis shoes unless you are wearing work out clothes. So, I packed workout clothes. This was great because it was a billion degrees Fahrenheit, and I definitely got my steps in. But I wanted to go to nice places too, so I had a dress and sandals. You know what you can’t do in sandals? Walk five miles, at least I can’t. After consulting with my tour guide, a NYC local, I learned that literally no one cares what you are wearing. Even if you feel ridiculous in your tennis shoes and dress, it won’t be long before you see someone wearing an outfit much more eye catching.

9.       Prepare to pay to pee.

New York is Urinetown. The number of times I had to buy a liquid just to empty my bladder was ridiculous. Minnesota is probably too lax with our bathroom rules, public bathrooms for all, which made this a shock. Of course, with all the walking and the heat, I mostly sweated out my liquid intake. Be prepared to enter a Mcdonald's and order a side of fries with your number 1.

 

10. It isn’t as scary as you’d think.

Did I get called a stupid? Yes. Did I quickly learn to stop smiling at everything and everyone? Hell yes. Was I scared? A few times, but for the most part, NYC was just another city. It was huge, busy, and life-changing, but not the place of nightmares I had prepared myself for. It also wasn’t a dream come true. The smell of piss and puke is a real thing, the homeless population is heart-wrenching, and the traffic was mind-boggling. There were good and bad things to find everywhere, you take the good and turn the bad into a funny anecdote. And before you know it, you’ve made it there.

Cruelty

 

The cruelest thing one can do, is teach a fish to fly and force it to live in the water.

 

I have tasted air.

I have lived among angels, shared space with the birds.

Now I am forced to drown?

 

Is that what life is?

A moment of joy, a quick flash of the outside world,

Before you’re squeezed into the bowl and expected to love circles?

 

I found freedom.

I found a chance to explore a new path, to twist and turn, jump and run.

Now I chase my tail.

 

How do I get back to the feeling?

Lighthearted, peaceful, rested even when constantly moving?

I had dropped my burden, only to find it waiting, twice as heavy as before.

 

Escape.

Is that the only answer now?

Run away, never look back, leave all I know –

A search for the familiar unknowing?

 

The cruelest thing one can do, is teach a fish to fly and force it to live in the water.

Surprise!

 I surprised myself with tickets to New York. You're probably wondering, how does one surprise herself? Ask my mother, she used to do it all the time. 

There was the six months spent looking for my Easter candy. 15 years old, I  no longer expected a basket or bags of mini Reese's eggs. We had done the required egg hunt the day before, though this year I was more worker bee than hunter/gatherer. I felt that the Easter traditions had been fulfilled, time to get in the car and drive two and a half hours for lunch and then exhaustedly drive two and a half hours back. As I walked down stairs to search for the keys so we could be on time for once, I heard my mother call out, "see if you can find your candy!"

My candy! So there was a little excitement left in my childhood, thank goodness! I searched everywhere. Above the computer, between books, within shoes, daring to go beyond my mom's pile of dirty clothes guarding the closet. Nothing.

"I don't think it's in a basket, there's just a few chocolate bars." 

Oh great, now not only did I have to search the three floors of our house, but I wasn't even looking for a big item. If I was my mother, where would I put it....

Okay, we have a very explorative, always hungry, doesn't understand no dog; search high. I'm 5'5", my mom is 5'7", don't search that high. Gone was my productive 'find the keys mindset,' I had a mission and I had chosen to accept it. 

Forty-five minutes later feeling hopeless, hungry, and extremely late, we gave up. "Let's buy candy at the gas station, and get our butts on the road!"

I was shocked when I found a package of Reese's cups and a Hershey's bar nestled in the mixing bowl of my mom's Hamilton beach mixer. "It's July. Why is there candy in the mixing bowl? Can I still eat this?"

My Easter candy, much like Jesus, had miraculously risen from the depths. No one was more surprised than the hider herself. "I could hide my own birthday presents," she would say.

"You hid your own candy," I would retort.

I surprised myself with tickets to New York. I didn't buy the tickets, lose them, find them and realize, "Oh shit! I go to New York on Friday!" 

My friends and family won't someday look back at this trip and think, "What a hilarious story that is also an obvious sign of early onset dementia."

I bought tickets out of the blue, no warning for myself, my friends, or my savings account. I heard my mom's voice, rising from the dead (see Jesus), telling me to go. Go and find what has been hidden for the last six months. Go and find your resurrection. Go and find life's sweetness, dolce vita. Go and find what I have hidden for you. 

My mom surprised me with tickets to New York. 

 

Fear Turns to Hope: A quintet of thoughts

 

I.

I used to think that without you I would forget.

Forget how to breathe,

Forget how to see,

Forget how to dream.

I would forget the kindness in the world,

The brilliance,

Beauty,

Sweetness,

All of which you found in me.

I believed without you,

There would be no me.

II.

I saw the world with your faded grace.

I saw the world slowly dim as memories became empty space.

I saw the world crumble with every face you misplaced,

I saw my world die with one final embrace.

III.

And now.

Now I remember.

Now I carry on.

Now I am the one who is strong.

I’m not moving forward,

Or becoming someone new.

Now I am the me, that you always knew.

IIII.

Flying high,

Wings soaring toward the sun.

You always knew, even without you,

My life had just begun.

V.

So teach me caution with a chance for joy,

Teach me dreaming with no sense of fear to employ.

Teach me to long for all that I can be.

With your absence, teach me.