No Filter

 Usually when I put something on here I try to make it poetry or well thought out, but I don't have a diary and I need to word vomit.

I am so sick of emotions. I am tired and exhausted of feeling anxious and broken. I am sick of breaking down only to tell a joke three hours later. I am done pasting on a smile and pushing down my anger. I want to tell people no. I want to tell them leave me alone. I want to tell them they aren't what I want or need, but you can't do that. 

I want to lock myself away and stop being a person. I want to transform into a squirrel and spend my day climbing trees. I want to be a frog and hibernate under the snow. I want to be a cat and spend all day in the sun. I want to stop being.

Not forever. Just an hour or two days. I need to stop being for everyone else. I need to stop being for me. I need to stop being. I can't handle the constant twists and turns, the waves that are being human. Dear Stevie, I did not ask to climb this mountain I did not ask for the changing seasons of my life. I want to be Arizona, Summer all the time. Winter did not need to hit this hard with this many fluctuations. 

I am not okay and I don't want to be that way anymore. I want to be fine. I want to say I'm good and mean it. Why do I need to adjust daily to emotions, why can't I be stagnant and not broken everyday. I build this puzzle daily, why do the pieces keep ending up on the floor?