This is how it feels to try

I hold an ocean inside me.
I feel it pushing against my skin, pulsing, crashing, swirling.
There is a storm inside me and the walls are crumbling.


I am crumbling.
My walls are falling down and my body falls apart.
I am drowning from the inside, but I'll tell you I'm fine.
That I can wait it out.


"In the eye of the hurricane there is quiet"-
on the outside I am the eye,
but there is a storm inside that I cannot keep at bay.
I feel the waves in my veins destroying me.
But I'll tell you I'm ok.


Tears are salt water
they relive the storm, allow the waves to crash-
but I don't have enough to show.
The walls are high, turning to sand but I can't let go.


I don't ask for assistance,
I don't rely on others to sand bag against the rolling sea-
and yet my hand tries to stretch out,
the only barrier is me.


I am 99% ocean and 1% human.
I am drowning from the inside.