The Secret

I haven’t told you yet

I haven’t told you because I’m terrified.

I don’t know how to tell you because this is you.

In so many ways I’ll have to go through it again

I’ll have to watch the same struggles,

Answer the same questions

But this time it’ll be you that’s gone.

And bringing it up will make it come faster

I’m certain that the moment I put the thought in your head,

It won’t let go.

Your brain will take it and push it into being

Suddenly it will all be true.

And this time I’ll be the one alone.

So I’m not telling you.

You won’t understand,

You don’t understand I can’t.

I can’t let this happen because I cannot do this.

In no way am I ready.

I distance myself because it already hurts,

So how would I go through this?

I can’t do it, because next it will be you.

Next I’ll be watching you leave

Watching you fade away

And what if I’m not strong enough.

How will I ever do it all without you?

I don’t have sixty years,

I barely got twenty.

How will I tell you?

I won’t.