What's in a legacy?

Hamilton, every good blog that even has the word theater in it has a Hamilton post right? 

Alexander Hamilton came to America knowing what he wanted; he was going to write his way out of poverty and create a legacy. Guess who knew what his number one talent was and how to use it to be successful?  "Alexander Hamilton, my name is Alexander Hamilton."

But what about us? The founding people of the United States of America, circa 2017? How do we reach success? Most of us have gone to liberal arts schools and have a number of talents we could use in our life, which do we pick? Which skill is going to help me get my face on a piece of money or Lin Manuel Miranda to write a play about me?

As I finished the application, aforementioned in my last blog, I found myself wondering...what if I'm wrong?

What if I shouldn't be a communication major who loves theater? What if my skills aren't natural enough, not good enough? What if with this click of the submit I'm ruining my life? Did I throw away my shot?

Currently I'm a daycare teacher and a pretty good one if you ask the right people. What if this is where my legacy lies? But here's the thing about legacies; they out live you. You never know if your legacy is going to be successful because you'll be dead by the time it's created.

"A garden you never get to see." I don't know a lot about gardening, but the few I have had I've planted a thousand seeds and hoped for one to grow. I have it wrong now...a legacy isn't just about one skill, 

Alexander Hamilton knew he was a good writer, but he didn't limit himself to only writing. He led troops, he worked in office, he raised children. He did not have only one shot. He had many that he never threw away. He looked at them all without fear, wearing his glasses, and he faced them. 

If you want to create a legacy then the only thing you can't do is limit yourself. You aren't given one specific skill, one perfect seed that will bloom into the perfect flower. A garden isn't one flower, it's a thousand working together to create something beautiful. 

I've planted my legacy as a teacher, it's time to add onto this garden. It's time to make it flourish and more beautiful. Maybe these new seeds won't grow into anything, but what kind of gardener would I be if I didn't take a risk?

(I would be Aaron Burr, that's the answer).

Photo Credit:

Hamilton: https://www.teepublic.com/t-shirt/473311-im-not-throwing-away-my-shot

 Legacy by Grrrenadine.deviantart.com on @DeviantArt

Embrace the Joy

Today I started something that terrifies me to no end. Today, I started a job application.

Now, I have no idea if I am qualified for this job. I don't know if I stand a chance at getting this job, I don't even know if I want this job. But for some reason I need this job.

The moment I saw there was an opening I knew. I knew I at least had to apply, I had to throw myself off that cliff, even if I don't have wings.

Not a lot makes people feel this way anymore, but when you find an experience, an idea, a thought that makes you want to sing and throw up at the same time - go for it. Grab that feeling and use it as a parachute if you fall. Grab that feeling and let it help you grow wings, you might fly.

So much of the world will tell you to be practical, stay with your feet on the ground. A plethora of voices will scream at you to embrace your fear and let it weigh you down...but those voices are always there. They aren't rare or hard to find, don't hold onto them.

No! Hold tight to your hope, hold onto your nerves, and your excitement. Let your happiness fill you, because at least, if even for a moment you will have been happy. There's nothing worse than knowing you could have had joy and letting it pass you by, don't watch it leave. Embrace it. Consume it.

Today I started something that scares the hell out of me and I have never been more excited to witness the end.

Finding Meaning

What does it mean to be a favorite?

Favorite shoes go worn,

holes on the bottoms and water soaking your feet.

Favorite movies are re-watched, replayed, renewed

slowly becoming scratched and no longer useful.

Favorite songs are put on repeat, danced to and memorized

the lyrics grow stale, the beat too repetitive and your feet hurt.

Favorite food is prepared, savored, saved

but soon sits in your fridge growing mold.

Favorite becomes forgotten and forgotten fades away.

I've been accused of having a favorite. But this cannot be true. Not if I will never forget him, not if I will never watch him sit in the corner and refuse to reach out my hand. He does not cause me to close my heart to those in need that surround me.

Favorite becomes forgotten and forgotten fades away.

But not love. Love will stay forever. Love obsesses and compulsively continues on. Love does not mean you wear something down until it is useless.

Love builds and creates and continues...

Love does not destroy and mold. Love does not cause harm and anguish. Love does not mean that others are left behind or forgotten, love does not allow for ignorance. Love does not exclude.

Love builds and creates and continues....

Love opens your heart further building room to welcome in the suffering, the poor, the lost. Love creates warmth and joy that invites everyone closer. Love is what connects the entire universe, every population. Love is the good that will bring this world to peace.

Love builds and creates and continues...

Mittens

The first time I remember being forgotten, I thought it was funny. My mom thought my dad was going to get me and my dad thought opposite. I didn't care who was at fault, I cared that I got home and ate dinner.

The second time I was older. I was content being alone. After three or four hours my feelings changed. My enjoyment turned to fear and my sadness to anger. What kind of parents forget their own child? Forget their only child?

My dad forgot me first. He forgot that I was human, that I existed. He replaced me first with reading material, then moved onto the computer, and later to a different life. A life that doesn't include me...except when it's time to pretend to be a family. He became a holiday father. Love can be a gift, but not if you buy it.

Although I've been forgotten by her many times, she's never forgotten me completely...but it's coming. I can feel it the way you feel the air freeze before the first snow. In the beginning there is only the slightest tinge of frost, then it comes on so quickly that the world turns to ice and you stand there frozen without your mittens. I know it's coming; but I am unprepared.

I've survived being forgotten so many times, watched as friends turned away and words faded to ash. I too have forgotten. What happens though...when the child is left behind? Turned into a distant memory, if even that? I need to know so I can be prepared.

I need to meet the cold with my mittens on.

Hello Possible Reader (Good Luck)

Hi there, it's been awhile. It's funny how the world can suddenly become so busy, not Book of Mormon funny, but more this is so funny I need a shot of Novocaine because life is hurting me so much...maybe that is BoM funny. Anyway, I suppose I should update you on my life...if anyone is actually reading this.

[Insert Daveed Diggs meme, "What'd I Miss]

I'm not actually going to include that photo. A Hamilton meme on a Broadway obsessed blog, too predictable. 

In May I graduated college and promptly started a job that in no way compliments my major. I'm living at home with my mom which means I have watched almost every show on Netflix twice and have not gone out on a Saturday night in three months. And I suppose in many ways, I'm exactly where I was when I started this blog.

Confused. Wandering. Scared. And always, hopeful.

How often these four seem to be found together. The hero is always lost, scared, confused, but has hope for a brighter future. Name any YA novel and I bet that will be the plot. Maybe we are all living our own novels and we are just searching for the strength to flip the next page.

My next page starts tomorrow; I'm going on an adventure and I'm making the next chapter of my life.

Screw the third person narrative. This is my biography and I'm going to take charge.

A Poem My Mother Will Never Read

She says she'll never forget me,
that a mother always knows.
But I've seen her lose keys, wallets, and names in seconds
I know how this routine goes.

Will she remember me when she can't find her house?
Will she still know my name when the laughter fades?
Or will I slowly become a stranger, an almost familiar face -
a person, almost to be remembered if only she could lift the shades.

Forever is an awfully long time,
especially for the forgotten.
There was hope and dreams and sadness,
but the memories soften.

Everyday is unknown, every hour a puzzle
 and every second a mystery.
What will happen next, how long does this last -
who can say how long forever can truly be.

This poem...just words, attempts to control my fear.
Rhymes and lines, dying to express how much I need you here.
Fear doesn't matter, the end is always coming, ever near.
What is most important is what I do with today
Right now, this second; this is the memory most clear.

Decisions Decisions

Every moment in our lives can be traced back to a decision. Our existence is evidence of one very important decision, although most of us don't like to think about our parents saying yes to that choice.


At first the choices are small. Which ice cream should we get for dessert? Should I wear my pink or my blue headband for school pictures? Who would make the best prom date? But eventually these decisions become life changing. Where should I go to college? What should my major be? Should I study abroad? What will I do after I graduate? I don't know about everyone else out there, but these questions make me feel like this:

And of course now I'm ashamed for using such an overused meme. On the other hand I'm so stressed out from making other life decisions that I can't waste time to find a more original description. Well, I guess there is always this interpretation:

Look, even just writing this simple blog is adding to the list of decisions I have to make!


When did it stop being so simple? My entire life I knew what I wanted. Chocolate ice cream, no headband because they hurt my head, and of course the best prom date was my best friend. Even the college and the major were simple, studying abroad was a no-brainer. But who am I now? I have this degree in one hand and a stack of bills in the other; doesn't leave a person with too many options. So what's next?


Well there's trying I guess. I'll try to find a job. I'll try to find a grad school that I can afford and find interest in, but until then? Who knows. It'd be ideal to have time and find out who I am, but I can't exactly take my father's place in the army and defeat the Huns....loans don't defer for that. This is the moment I wish dispel some hopeful wisdom about the next step, however, I am still on the journey myself. If you, dear reader, have any ideas or words of wisdom or inspirational quotes post them in the comment section! Until then dear one,

Because puppies don't lie.